Jean-Paul’s rating: 3/5

Bottom Line: A reasonably good finale to the sequel even if you won’t really ever look back with nostalgia on it.

Today, we have a very special movie review. I will be interviewing my mom who saw Episode IX with my brother and me.

Me: So Mom, what did you think about “The Rise of Skywalker”?

Mom: It was too dark.

Me: But you liked the other two of the trilogy. Didn’t you like seeing all the characters again?

Mom: No, it was way too dark. The other movies were bright and colorful and full of light. This one was just dark. Dark from start to finish.

Me: I know the movie had its issues. Like the whole spy thing was just silly, and the story has been rehashed a billion times at this point, but it was still pretty fun most of the time.

Mom: But why did they make it so dark?

Me: I guess they wanted the color scheme to fit the mood of the movie. Perhaps J. J. Abrams doesn’t trust the audience to fully appreciate the darkness of the plot without messing with the brightness level of the movie screen. What about the characters? They were still pretty fun right?

Mom: I didn’t like any of them because the movie was so dark.

Me: None of them? I mean, sure, they’re all pretty one dimensional in their thinking in this one and don’t really express much of the depth that they did in the other episodes, but they are still fun to watch and we get all sorts of great cameos from prior episodes, including if you watch carefully, Wedge!

Mom: What’s a wedge?

Me: He’s a character from…you know what, never mind. So Mom, sum up “The Rise of Skywalker” for us.

Mom: When I watch all the other Star Wars movies over I will never watch this one again because it’s so dark.

Me: Harsh. I thought it was reasonably fun, but it tried too hard at times to create moments that people will talk about and it failed miserably to do so. “Rogue One” is still the best of the new Star Wars vehicles. Thanks Mom for joining me for this review. I think your input will prove valuably useful to my audience.

Mom: I just wish they didn’t make it so dark. Every scene was just so dark.

Me: Yes, I think we got that. Thanks.

Jean-Paul’s Rating: 3/5 stars

Bottom Line: Starts as a brilliant movie about a con. Ends as…uh, something else not nearly as fulfilling.

“Parasite” has been getting a lot of buzz recently and I can see why. The first half of the film is brilliant. It follows the down on their luck Kim family as they methodically insinuate themselves into the life of the rich and gullible Park family. The pacing of this part of the movie is pitch perfect. The dialogue is witty and delivered with perfect timing even with subtitles. I had a smile on my face throughout. And then…things happen.

This is one of those movies that delivers a record scratch right in the middle and the quickly becomes about something completely different. Sometimes this works wonderfully like in “From Dusk Till Dawn”. Shut up. It was a good movie. In “Parasite” it just feels a bit too jarring. It had me for a while and I was interested in seeing where it was going with everything, but then it takes a sharp right turn and fails to deliver on the promise of the movie up to that point. The biggest issue for me was that the motivations of the people up to that point and what they did after did not at all mesh. There was certainly room to establish what happened, leaving hints here and there, but the movie failed to do that.

There are all sorts of things to say about class and it’s hard not to think, with a title like “Parasite” and the content of the movie, that the movie is partly anti-poor as an answer to the plethora of anti-rich films that have been released lately. It’s also possible that the movie is a joke about how rich people view poorer people. What’s especially funny is the Kim family, despite being completely unqualified on paper for the jobs they take, are actually very good at them and find themselves in a great position, but they keep reaching for more and more until it lands them in big trouble. They have the “big score” mentality which must be as pervasive in South Korea as it is in the United States. All of it can be seen from so many different viewpoints, none of which are necessary to the movie, but which provides all sorts of wonderful subtext for discussions with friends.

“Parasite” is still a movie worth seeing even if I didn’t think it lived up to the hype that it is getting. The first half is really quite fun as long as you don’t mind movies with subtitles. The director, Bong Joon Ho, appears to direct movies about class quite a bit, with his previous movies “Okja” and “Snowpiercer” being very class conscious as well. He’s definitely a director to keep your eye on in the coming years and I’m sure “Parasite” will open doors for him like never before.

Jean-Paul’s Rating: 2/5 stars

Bottom Line: Effects give it one more star than it otherwise would have. Best thing about it is that it ended.

“Midway” feels like one of those labor of love projects that started out as a decent concept and quickly devolved into the realization that, aside from the bravery and spectacle of a decisive battle, there really isn’t much of a story to tell. The movie features some pretty big name actors in supporting roles like Woody Harrelson as Admiral Nimitz and Dennis Quaid as Admiral Halsey and Aaron Eckhart as Lieutenant Colonel Doolittle and they pomp their way through the movie just fine but there is very little circumstance produced from their involvement.

The movie tries to weave a story around Dick Best (Ed Skrein) and Wade McClusky (Luke Evans) and abuses just about every war cliche in order to do so. Most egregious of the cliches is the “women suffering silently at home” cliche. We are treated to pointless scene after pointless scene of wives lamenting their position and fretting about their husbands and not much else. There is one scene that seems shoehorned in just to counter this cliche where Ann Best (Mandy Moore) lambasts Dick Best’s commanding officer about not promoting Dick, which was actually pretty fun if also useless. And that’s the biggest problem with true to life war movies; most people involved are just as ordinary and just as boring as everyone else in the world and they were just thrown into extraordinary circumstances and accomplished doubly extraordinary feats while still being their ordinary and boring selves.

As has been the norm in recent movies about older wars, this is not a rah rah go USA movie. The movie rightly pays homage to the Japanese and their commanders as believing they were just as right and as honorable as we thought we were. It also does a pretty decent job (as far as I can tell being a middle aged white male who thinks he knows everything) portraying Japanese hierarchical society. I really like this trend in movies and wish it would extend to movies about more recent “wars” like the “war” on “terror”.

The only good news is that the visual and audio effects for the movie are pretty darned good. I cannot imagine a movie this bad being nominated for anything even if it does one thing good, but you can probably expect the movie to be nominated for participation trophies like best visual and best sound. And yes, I know that stuff is mad difficult and requires months and months of hard work and deserves to be recognized when it’s done right, but I still wish the winners would be actual good movies.

Despite my mild praise for certain aspects of the movie, feel free to give “Midway” a wide berth. Ha! Watching the movie was worth it just so I could use that idiom. You’re welcome.

I saw an onling comment about a b-movie called Deathstalker. I assumed it was a horror flick. When I looked it up I discovered it was actually a sword and sorcery trilogy from the 1980s. I also discovered Amazon Prime had it available. If you suspect I watched it, I did. If you suspect it was bad, oh boy, you have no idea how bad.

Deathstalker, Stalker to his friends, is our protagonist. He’s tan, muscular, has the flowing blond locks that you could only have in 1982, and he carries a big sword and bigger bow. This bow is comical in its size and intricate design. Deathstalker is also, by far, the tallest guy in the movie with the execption of half-pig man.

Deathstalker is the reluctant hero that is has been “killing and stealing” to make his own way in life. A true Ayn Rand kind of man. Then a witch (Who is she? Why does he visit her straw hut? Why does he listen to her? Is she a liberal plant?) tells him he needs to reunite a magic sword with the magic amulet and magic chalice being held by the evil sorcerer king. By uniting them he will gain The Power. With it Deathstalker will… it doesn’t matter really.

The quest begins and along the way he picks up three companions. These companions are fellow warriors that are traveling to a tournament. The second one is the quintessential warrior woman. She fights in a hooded robe and boots andÖ not much else. It’s not just the men that are bare-chested in this cinematic classic.

Deathstalker and his companions arrive at the tournament. It is being held at the castle of the evil sorcerer king. The maniacal monarch has gathered all the greatest warriors in the land to… it doesn’t matter really.

The rest of the movie takes place at and around the castle. The evil sorcerer king is trying to have Deathstalker killed. All his attempts fail as Stalker or his companions slay all the would-be assassins. The evil sorcerer kingís plans to … it doesn’t matter really.

Through all these assassination attempts we see the castle is of the classical design with a central harem room. As all good harem rooms do this one is populated by many a comely lady dressed in the sheerest of robes. When I say central I mean every hallway, trap door and fall out of a 3rd story window leads to the harem room. It is not just central to the castle but also the movie. The central point being boobs! The awkward theatrical sword play, blood, and flying, dismembered body parts are all just window dressing for 1980s teenage boys when there was no internet pr0n.

File this to I watched it so you don’t have to.

Jean-Paul’s Rating: 5/5 stars

Bottom Line: Has everything you could ever want in a movie. A prepubescent Nazi. A girl in a wall. A cheerful in the face of adversity mother. A wacky captain and his sidekick. And, of course, Adolf Hitler!

Taika Waitiki is putting together quite a streak of excellent movies here. He had “What We Do in the Shadows” which was another great absurdist film, then “Hunt for the Wilderpeople” which I’ve not seen but has gotten great reviews, then “Thor:Ragnarok” which is one of the best Marvel films to date, and now “Jojo Rabbit”.

Movies don’t come more delightful than “Jojo Rabbit”. Set near the end of World War II, it is a story about a fervent young Nazi named Jojo (Roman Griffin Davis), his imaginary sidekick Adolf Hitler (Taika Waitiki), and a teenage Jew named Else (Thomasin McKenzie) living in Jojo’s mother Rosie’s (Scarlett Johansson) wall. I know what you’re saying, “Not ANOTHER story about a fervent young Nazi, his imaginary sidekick, and a teenage Jew living in the Nazi’s mother’s wall!”, but trust me, this one is different.

Waitiki has a gift for weaving a story and a talent for the absurd. Because let’s be honest, there is nothing more absurd than being a Nazi: “Oh, look at me! I’m a Nazi! I hate Jews and Blacks and everyone else that doesn’t look or think like me! My entire sense of self-worth is wrapped in making others feel worse so that I can feel better about myself! Don’t you just want to punch me in my stupid Nazi face? I know I often do! Trump 2020!” Maybe that should be sad. There’s nothing more sad than being a Nazi. it’s absurdisad. But I digress. Waitiki has assembled a pitch perfect ensemble cast for this movie and every character is believably ridiculous, which is hugely important when crafting an absurdist movie. He also stars as the most ridiculous Adolph Hitler you will ever experience.

You can’t help but feel good at the end of “Jojo Rabbit”. It is a delight that can likely be watched again and again. I can see it getting a slew of Oscars this year, but none would it be more worthy of winning (If it existed. Make it exist Academy!) than Best Ensemble Cast. From the kids to the adults they were all great. Go see this movie! Then go see it again!

Jean-Paul’s Rating: 4/5 stars

Bottom Line: Fred Rogers may be the weirdest human being to ever exist. We should all be more like Fred Rogers.

“A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood” follows Lloyd Vogel (Matthew Rhys) as he writes an article for Vanity Fair about Fred Rogers (Tom Hanks). Lloyd is convinced that Fred Rogers wears a mask and his Mr. Rogers is just a character on a children’s television show and he goes out to prove just that. What he finds is an extremely weird but authentic human being. The people that work with him are filled with loving frustration as he takes time to talk to children at their level and their speed, greatly slowing down production of the show. Fred Rogers appears to be the same behind the camera and in front of it. He has a way of getting into your head and making you share things. It is disarming being around a human being who appears to care with every inch of his being.

Excuse the intro and the outro of the movie as they are a bit hokey, but everything sandwiched in between is absolutely delightful. Tom Hanks plays a pitch perfect Fred Rogers and Matthew Rhys is a great uncomprehending foil. Even the entire cast surrounding Mr. Rogers and his television show does a great job of projecting bemusement at the situation they find themselves in with this character who is not at all a character. There are really cool little touches throughout the film and, like the intro and outtro, they are a bit hokey, but they all put together make you question if you are in real life or in Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood of Make-Believe. City skylines and travel montages are shot as if you were in Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood.

If you need a movie that you will leave feeling all is right with the world despite all evidence to the contrary from the outside world, go see “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood”. It is just a single facet in Fred Rogers’ multifaceted life but it’s a great look at an extremely unusual human being and we are all better for getting to know even just a little bit about him.