Movie Review: Jack The Giant Slayer

Ratings for reviews will appear above the fold, while the review itself will appear below the fold to avoid spoilers for anyone that wants to go into it with a blank slate.

Jean-Paul’s rating: 3/5 stars

There are giants in the sky.  There are big tall  terrible awesome scary wonderful giants in the sky!

There are some movies that are just fun.  You ignore the story and just sit back and enjoy the mindless entertainment.  “Jack the Giant Slayer” is such a movie.

Everyone knows the story of Jack and the Beanstalk.  Jack goes to sell cow.  Jack sells cow for magic beans. Beans grow into giant beanstalk.  Jack climbs beanstalk and has an adventure.  “Jack the Giant Slayer” follows that basic story line with a few addendums and additions.

The poor cow is gone and a horse and buggy are in.  A princess is added because you need a love interest for Jack.  Of course, Jack needs to save the princess because that’s what princesses are for, apparently.  You can overlook this annoying trope because you are, after all, already committed to watching a completely unoriginal movie.  At least they made her adventurous.  Baby steps.

What I liked best about the movie was its inventiveness.  There is absolutely no doubt about the outcome.  Jack and princess WILL live happily ever after.  Between point A and B, though, were some thoroughly enjoyable scenes.  You have the Ewan McGregor pigs in a blanket scene (Why is Ewan McGregor in this movie?  I have no idea.).  You have the bees in the helmet scene.  You have the death by bean scene.  Fun stuff.

One thing that bothered me after the fact.  All of the giants were male.  Are they asexual?  Maybe immortal?  Do they keep their women naked and unable to engage in commerce like the Ferengi?

You will never watch this movie again, but it’s worth one watch.  Plan it for a day when you need some mindless entertainment.

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