Category Archives: Poetry

Glycobiology Rap

In honor of my friend Gaurang obtaining his doctorate, I present to you the Glycobiology Rap!

My name is Gaurang Bhide but you may call me Doc G
For I just got my doctorate in glycobiology!
"What is that?", you ask, well it's really quite simple
The explanation of such is as easy as popping a pimple!
Glyco means sugar, it's tasty and it's sweet
But it really is a substance that you shouldn't overeat.
Then there's biology, the study of all life
There's the simple answer and it shouldn't cause you strife.

Put the two together and it's a little more complicated
For sugar and life intersect in ways you've never contemplated.
Sugars, you see, couple in ways that are many and varied
And there's magic that can happen when these molecules are rightly married.
And by magic, I mean science, because magic just ain't real
And that's the truth you suckas, no matter what your ass may feel.
Getting these guys together ain't as easy as you may think
That's why much of my job consists of cleaning bottles in a sink.

Glucose and fructose are some compounds that I manipulate
Into unique combinations with the hopes that I may demonstrate
From my cultures that I feed in the hopes that they will propagate
Applications that are practical and easy to duplicate
That's what I do and I hope I was able to inculcate
These ideas in your mind in a way that raised your interest rate.


Missus Ann Rand

*sung to the tune of Mister Sandman

** for any words in parenthesis, imagine Ayn Rand popping out the side of the screen correcting the pronunciation.

Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb

Missus Ann Rand (Ayn), bring me a dream
Give me the best government that I've ever seen
Make it so only rich people are in charge
Then our economy will surely grow large
Ann Rand (Ayn), look at the poor
Let's take what they have and then show them the door
What a big bunch of moochers and fakers
Missus Ann Rand (Ayn) get me away from these takers

Missus Ann Rand (Ayn), let's run away
This government is toothless and full of decay
Let's take with us only the makers
And form a country filled with movers and shakers
Ann Rand (Ayn), here we'll call home
We'll build an empire more glorious than Rome
All the others will look on us with despair
While complaining that their life's not fair

Missus Ann Rand (Ayn), things are just swell
'cept for the riot that we had to quell
Just because there's not enough food
But besides that everything is good
Ann Rand (Ayn), you've got my back
You'll provide us with the things we lack
All we're missing now is clothes and shelter
Oh, and society's sort of gone helter-skelter

Missus Ann Rand (Ayn), we'll still pull through
We found a man who knows just what to do
He'll fix everything for merely a song
There isn't a thing that could possibly go wrong
Ann Rand (Ayn), our country's on fire
And our prospects are increasingly dire
It turns out that those who think they are makers
Are really some of the biggest of takers

Missus Ann Rand (Ayn), it's fallen apart
Turns out your ideas are not very smart
Why'd we think that we'd be able to build
A world in which our dreams would ever be fulfilled
Ann Rand (Ayn), Objectivism's sad
Because, you see, that the selfish are bad
Looking out for just number one
Is a thought that most other people will shun

Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb
Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb



You have gravity
And everyone around you
Longs to be in your orbit,
Feels that imperceptible tug
That draws them inexorably towards you.
Some feel it but for a moment,
That nascent pull calling to them
Before continuing on into the universe.
There were those that that were trapped,
Pulling them faster and faster,
Burning them brighter and brighter,
Until they disintegrate in your atmosphere,
Never to be seen again,
And yet others whose pieces explode on your surface
Leaving fragments that will remain forever.
There are those that dive deep into your well,
Feeling the fullness of your world,
Before slingshotting away into the void.
Then there's your solar system,
People describing perfect orbits around your being,
Drinking of your warmth and radiation,
And giving of the same in return.
Their orbits may differ,
But here they will stay
And no act of nature
Will take them away.
You have gravity.
All eyes turn to see you,
The fire in your eyes
And the bounce in your step.
You have gravity.
The melody of your voice,
All ears tune on in
To hear your sweet song.
You have gravity.
Your touch is a shock,
Jovian storms start to spin
and supernovae explode.
You have gravity.
Your smell pulls me in,
Ten seconds to contact
and all systems go.
You have gravity.
Your taste is delightful,
I am lost on your surface
And here I will stay.


Full Moon


You are the full moon
On a clear winter's night.
Gleaming through bare branches
On a landscape that's white.

The snow sparkles and shines
As the trees sway and they dance.
A billion stars litter the ground
Of this bitter and cold wintry expanse.

You are the full moon
On a warm night in spring.
Revealing new life
And the changes it brings.

As around me I look
The whole world's all in bloom.
The colors muted in your light
The air scented with perfume.

You are the full moon
And the summer's now upon us.
I gaze in to the river
At my reflection like Adonis.

What is it I see here
A stranger stares back.
Your radiance revealing
All the things that I lack.

You are the full moon
Under fall's gentle luster.
I scream to the world
With all the energy I can muster.

Behold of this beauty
So high up in the sky.
It is there she belongs
For the world, not just I.


Twas The Night Before The Trump Presidency

Twas the night before the Trump presidency and all through the States
People were sitting and fretting and rewatching debates.
“She’s smoother, more polished, what a president should be”,
They said as they worried what a Trump presidency would be.
“Whatever shall we do for the next four or eight years?”
The thought of two terms brought them all close to tears.

Obamacare is almost certainly dead on arrival.
Millions of people back to scrimping and saving for survival.
And then all the Dreamers who may soon be deported.
People making their minds based on news that’s distorted.
Women reverted to abortions in back alleys.
Hundreds of coffins draped with lilies of the valley.

Meanwhile, Trump stacked his cabinet with some horribles.
Clinton was right! This was a basket of deplorables!
People who believe the solution to our crisis
Is to gather up our troops and go after ISIS.
And not only ISIS, but all of Islam.
From a person who can’t tell Iman from an Imam.

“The science is not in, climate change is not real”,
Trump said as he looked around for what he could steal.
“This time we will win! Our enemies grow stronger by the hour!”,
he screamed as he placed all his children into power.
“No conflict of interest”, he said with a Tweet.
While around him, business interests were kissing his feet.

Suddenly, what’s that? A knocking at my door?
I open ‘er up and I’m pushed to the floor.
“You’re coming with us”, said the men in the suits.
Though at the time, all I saw was the soles of their boots.
“What is it I’ve done? I’m innocent, I swear!”
“Justice will be meted out by the man with the hair!”

“This poem is pathetic, it’s useless, it’s sad!”,
Trump said to this author, “You’ve really been quite bad!”
“Can’t you see what I’m doing? I’ll make America great!”
“And all I get is mocking and laughing, derision and hate.”
“You leave me no choice, I’ll tweet this poem a FAIL!”
He motions to his guards and they cart me to jail.

Happy Limerick Day!

Today is Limerick Day

For it is the 12th of May

So I’ll write you this ditty

Though I’ll admit it’s quite shitty

And now it is over.  Hurray!

Poetry: Ode To Cooking Army

Whole wheat flour sucks
Always pre-cook your veggies
Oil makes things better

Poetry: Ode To Winter

Bitter cold is here
Moisture is sucked from the air
Nose bleeds run rampant

The Platinum Coin Vortex Continues

As I spend the day reading about all the foofaraw surrounding the possibility of minting a $1 trillion platinum coin, there are certain things that I don’t expect to see.  High atop that list would be a limerick homage to the platinum coin.  That is just one of many poems on a blog that is dedicated to mixing the dismal art of economics with poetry.  Limericks Économiques, making economics just a little more tolerable.