Category Archives: Caturday

Death Doesn’t Discriminate, Part II

Kristin here. I’ve been avoiding this post for almost two months now, but following yesterday’s post, the timing seems appropriate.

Death is a bitch.

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It just takes.

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And takes.

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And takes.

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And takes.

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And takes.

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And takes.

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RIP, Eliot. I’ve loved you since you were a kitty.

Death Doesn’t Discriminate

Between the sinners and the saints

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It just takes

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And it takes

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And it takes

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And it takes

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RIP Lindy

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Best. Cat. Evar.

Stupid Effin’ Cat

This is Lindy:

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She is a stupid fucking cat.

She survived a flood that caused her owners to give her up.  She traveled 300 miles to be with another owner who also had to give her up.  Then came 2008, when Lindy began her ownership of me.

Stupid fucking cat.

She demands attention.  Whether it’s staring me straight in the eye while also blocking my view of the computer screen until I pet her or planting her feet firmly into my chest while I’m watching TV until I allow her to straddle my arm along my side while I scratch her throat or crawling on top of me while I’m in bed reading until I scratch her ass or never allowing me to close the bathroom door so I can, again, scratch her ass while she rubs her face on the corner of the bathroom wall leaving a permanent Lindy stain.

Stupid fucking cat.

When she pees, her tail wiggles back and forth quickly like a rattlesnake warning an adversary and then bobs down and up like she’s a man shaking before zipping up.  When she poops, her nose rhythmically wrinkles in concentration until you hear the plop.  This is invariably followed by the ritualistic scratching of the rim of the cat box for 50 or so hours followed by exiting the box only to finally go back in and paw at the litter.  Then, depending on her mood, the phase of the moon, how things are arranged on my counter, and infinite other variables that exist in her tiny cat brain, she will enter crazy cat mode and zoom back and forth around the apartment culminating invariably in a dead stop in a corner as she looks piercingly up at the corner of the ceiling staring down a bogey only she can see.

Stupid fucking cat.

Her food bowl is proclaimed empty if the smallest portion of the bottom is visible.

Stupid fucking cat.

She jumps up on high and looks over her kingdom while sitting above her servant clicking futilely at the keyboard.

Stupid fucking cat.

She waits patiently for me to both go to bed and get out of bed and races ahead of me up and down the stairs to meet me at my destination.

Stupid fucking cat.

She demands to be pet when I’m brushing my teeth or filling up my water glass or, really, wherever I happen to be at the time.

Stupid fucking cat.

She gets an ear infection and has to have some teeth removed and she tolerates it all like a champ.

Stupid fucking cat.

The ear infection comes back.  She stops eating.  She starts falling down.  She’s come to loathe the vet but she springs back.

Stupid fucking cat.

Another ear infection.  To the dermatologist.  Allergies.  Special food, Claritin, even more antibiotics.  Looking good.  Feeling good.

Stupid fucking cat.

More falling down.  To the neurologist.  Giant cancerous mass around her right ear.

Stupid fucking cat.

Months to live.

Stupid.

Fucking.

Cat.

Sometimes You Lose A Cat

So I wake up this morning and my cat, Lindy isn’t on the bed.  “That’s strange”, I think, “Lindy never doesn’t sleep on the bed at home.”  But I think no big deal, she’s probably just changing her habits as she is wont to do from time to time being a cat and all.  I go through my daily morning routine and Lindy doesn’t show up throughout.  Now I’m starting to get worried.  Maybe she’s sick.  I look in all of her usual hiding spaces and can’t find her anywhere.  Then I think, “Did I even see her last night when I got home?”  No, no I hadn’t.  Uh oh.

I’ve lost Lindy in the house before.  There are not many places to hide, but there have been a few occasions when I’d go looking for her and not find her anywhere.  I’d check the hallway and she wouldn’t be there either.  This could go on for tens of minutes, me looking for Lindy, only to have her walk out of a hiding place that I swear I’ve checked a dozen times already.  I don’t know how she does it.  But I had checked all the usual spaces and not found her.  It was time for me to check the hallway.

Now, there’s something you should know about Lindy.  I have had her for five years now and she has always shown absolutely zero interest in exploring the hallway.  None.  I will come home and she will be sitting right next to the door waiting for me and she will kind of just stare out into the hallway a little and then scamper back to the counter for her welcome home petting.  This doesn’t happen all the time because she’s a cat, but it happens frequently enough that it’s almost habit.  So when I got home from volleyball and lugged my bike into the apartment I gave zero thought to Lindy even considering escaping into the hallway.  I was tired from volleyball and I had a bit to drink so I took a shower and fell almost immediately to sleep.

I walk out into the hallway and search around for her and she’s nowhere to be found.  But what I do find is a note taped up next to the elevator:

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I am a horrible father.  The little frowny cat face is absolutely priceless.

So, yeah, Lindy escaped out into the hallway for the first time in forever.  She’s back home safe and sound and doesn’t seem at all traumatized.  Right now, she’s sitting in her usual spot where I will have the most likelihood of tripping over her.  The upstanding gentleman who found her said that he was taking out the garbage and just saw her in the hallway.  It turns out that this happened not very long after I had gotten home so she didn’t spend much time in the hallway.  He said that she didn’t cause any trouble and refused any remuneration even though he gave me some cans of cat food.  I didn’t think of it at the time but maybe he once owned a cat because they were three different types of food.

Hurray for cool people that look out for neighbors!  Here’s Lindy attempting to imitate the frowny cat face:

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