I was paged for work in the wee hours of the morning. As I was trying to fall back to sleep, my brain decided to think of words of wisdom with a serial killer twist. I really don’t know about you, brain. Here’s a few, add your own!
“Home is where the heart is. In a jar. In my basement. Next to the head.”
“Revenge is a dish best served never. Because revenge requires emotion. And I have none.”
“The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his chest cavity.”
“What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.” – This one, I decided, is creepy just because a serial killer is saying it.
“Look both ways before dragging your victim into your van.”
“The only thing standing in your way is that window. And it’s open.”
“To err is human; to carve out a man’s spleen while he’s still alive, divine.”
“There are two types of people in this world, doers and screamers.”
“Always take time to appreciate the gurggling noises coming from your victim’s slashed throat.”
“Fool me once, find yourself hanging upside-down by your toe nails. Fool me twice, oh, you can’t because you’re dead.”
“Sugar and spice and all things nice, that’s what little girls are made of. At least, that’s what it smells like now that I’ve stuffed her in the oven.”
“Don’t eat a half hour before swimming in a bathtub full of blood. It’ll upset your stomach.”
“If you’re happy and you know it, clap his dead, lifeless hands together.”
“Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater, that’s just wasting good meat.”
Sick, but funny